My spiritual journey
I was angry in myself, because I felt like I had been cheated on in my life as a child.
Because I had been abused in State Care, and I was trying really hard to try and not let that happen to my children. Yet, I was failing because most of it happened around alcohol. And I really didn’t want that for my children.
And just one day, I just thought to myself, “What is wrong with you. These are your children, they are a gift”. So I started reaching out and it was a knock on the door and I just prayed to myself. “Please someone help me”, because I didn't want to lose my children. I wanted to change my ways. I wanted to treat them nicely. I wanted to talk to them in love. I wanted to get rid of all this anger and hate I had for myself.
That is probably where I started my spiritual journey.
And it started to actually like, started sinking in my mind that there actually might be a better way to live. And a better way to bring up my children and all I have to do is be committed and commit myself to that then.
I was trying to change, but it wasn’t until I was 33 until I made that decision. And I’m like fifty one now. So I took that path to help me get my life straight, you know. And think about my children and get some healing.
By then, my husband and I were on the rocks. We had separated a couple of times. And it was through the church that I felt I got my help and it restored our marriage. And it restored my friendship with my children. It made me humble, you know, to say I’m sorry for the way I treated my children. You know, my oldest son, he got the worst of it.
And yeh, when I actually sat them down and said, that “I’m sorry for everything I had done to them”.