A long journey
I kept it to myself, I think. I’m not a person who talks about my feelings. I shut down. So I’m actually surprised I’m talking to you now.
I can’t quite remember that period well, but to be honest I thought it was complete and utter bullshit because until I actually saw the results... that she was actually trying to change, I didn’t know about it, because there’s a whole lot of, “Oh yes, I’ll do this. Yes, I’ll do that.” And like they say actions speak louder than words. So it wasn’t until the action started happening, “oh okay”.
She said, “No alcohol in the house.” That was a big one, and when we would go out she wouldn’t have alcohol. So that was even better, because on both sides of the family there was alcohol. So alcohol was around a lot. So for her not to drink when she said she wasn’t... that was great, and that means it was safe to come home and nothing was going to happen.
I hate alcohol. I do drink now and again, but if we go out to a bar I don’t feel really comfortable around people drinking alcohol, because I don’t know what the hell they’re going to do.
It has been a long journey. I don’t know how to put it into words, because obviously mum was dealing with some stuff, and she used alcohol to escape it, but then she also had the diagnosis of depression I think it was, as well, and all that. For me, I saw it all, and you know, it all went together.