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Almost dying

I ended up in hospital almost dead. I was out partying for two days on all sorts of drugs and alcohol, and someone gave me the wrong drink.

I don’t even remember, but waking up in my passenger seat outside the Henderson Police Station, because they panicked and drove me there and left me in the car. I woke up to the policeman banging on the window, he’d smashed the window, and then I was in and out for about eight hours.

I remember coming to in the ambulance, and when my mum and dad were at the end of the bed, and the shame I felt in that moment. He wasn’t angry he just had tears running down his face. I’ll never forget that look.

The shame of walking out of that hospital through the A&E, was, “I never wanted to feel like that ever again”, and then to look at my dad and see his pain, like I just saw how much pain I caused him by not choosing or making good choices

I decided to book a ticket one way — because I had lots of air points from my travel from my job — to Australia, to stay with some of my cousins who were Mormons, and they’re beautiful Maoris. They had a family, and my cousin had just had baby twins, and I just knew I needed to be in an environment where I didn’t feel judged, and unfortunately, my family were at a point where they were judging.

When you’re in that headspace where you want to be better, but you feel weak, and you don’t have the right support around you, you end up going, “well, if they think I’m doing it anyway, I might as well go do it”.

I knew I needed to get completely away from that environment, and I was just so lucky that I had the option to do that, and as soon as I got on that plane; man, I cried the whole trip, it was four hours, and I balled for my soul, because I was ready to let go of that life, and I just knew that there was this inkling of hope.

I was talking to God on the plane, and I even said a prayer to the Aboriginals when I landed on the ground there. I said a karakia to ask their permission to use their resources, to step further into my purpose and to find myself again. And life just became the simple things, were just so powerful.